“The Decline of Cosmic Consciousness”

“The Internet has usurped the collective unconscious 

and access to cosmic consciousness has become difficult and almost primitive.”

~ Marc Maron

My resolve to change the course of my life is beginning to shape and take effect. I really do hate the idea of social media, the “great” technological advances of the era, my generation, and the general state of the collective conscience of society.

What have we put our faith and hopes in? I have often spent my life dissatisfied with the timeframe in which I have been born into. The people my age, the ones on the verge of adulthood and being the driving force of the world, are scattered and broad and unspecific. We are intelligent but by only virtue of general knowledge, of educational institutions, of things everyone can know… the things we have labeled with bizarre phrases and words such as “googleable”, “tweetable”, “status update” (like we’re some kind of computer that must meet a required standard), “selfies” and from sources such as Wikipedia, Facebook, endless lists of search engines and so on and so forth.

In the culture we live in true inspiration, true intelligence, is hard to find. The path of recovery of these virtues will prove to be even more difficult to find. I like movies from the 80’s and besides everyone being on cocaine and the red scare it seemed people had a good grasp on their own alone time. I watch the Blues Brothers a lot. Love the movie, but what always amazes me is when Elwood Blues (Dan Aykroyd) turns on the radio and just a and stares out the window of his flophouse. It absolutely confounds me.

And here is why. I was a fat kid raised by T.V. I absolutely love television but it did more harm to me than good. Most of this stemmed from my antisocial adolescence. I couldn’t make friends easily and the reason I believe entertainment platforms are not ideal (not necessarily evil) is that it helps you escape from the mind numbing day to day malaise we all feel and all experience; an emptiness unavoidable since the moment we realized not everybody likes us. I am one of the most bored people of all time and that is largely why I have sought the things I have sought.

Now the jury, the men in my head who decide the fate of my conscience’s well being, is still out on the proper judgment of things like pornography, substance use, and other highly addictive things. Honestly, I have no problem with the existence of pornography. I believe if these women and men want to the things they do it is entirely their decision and what is capitalism without the freedom or ability to meet supply and demand? However, from my own experience with pornography, which is truly an addiction and at one point an uncontrollable thirst (I have definitely gotten better), it did a lot of harm in my psyche.

I have a very difficult time communicating with women which has always been a pressing stress in my life. Although I have retained my virginity for 23 years it has not been from an excess of strong will but rather lack of opportunity. I believe holding onto the virtue of your sexual innocence until you are either ready or even married is highly noble and the better of all possible decisions. I was nine years old when I learned about sex and sadly it was from neither of my parents or someone who could gently and reasonably explain it to me. I honestly can’t say how I learned about it but the general idea of penis and vagina made perfect sense to me. Call me a genius if you will. I was ten when I discovered masturbation by a hilarious accident which I will not get into here. I was eleven when I first began viewing porn and all seeds were planted then. The talk I had with my mother when the computer’s history was discovered goes as thus:

My mom: “Its not wrong that you look at these things but it hurts the computer. We’re not mad.”
Me: “Okay.”

Now drugs on the other hand I am fully okay with, even the heart braking, destructive ones. Now my experience with drugs and alcohol is limited to pot and liquor. Those are my items of choice and I absolutely love them. When I’m high I’m not secretly sulking in my depression nor am I wallowing in some faint attempt to escape reality. I simply enjoy the feeling and free flow consciousness. Same with alcohol and certainly I would love to try some mushrooms. Sounds like fun.

There have been times where I have abused them and certainly times where I could not restrain myself from being without them. Those times have passed.

But on the other hand what about cocaine, heroin, acid, LSD and so on? These are proven destructive to both mind and body. I don’t want to go down those roads but I do believe people should have the freedom to do them. I believe suicide should be legal along with consensual euthanasia and if people want to kill themselves they should be free to as long it doesn’t involve jumping from a building and landing in my front yard running my rose bushes.

There are other things like these, things that people lean on as distractions, these mistresses of the night, that people hold onto and it is very sad. I have been one, am one, and will more than likely fall back on them from time to time in the course of my perceived long life. People like me don’t die very quickly. We travel the long rocky roads of life, the Spartan-like existence of Thoreau’s wilderness.
The reason I mentioned the internet is because it has occurred to me over the last few days that my dependence and the social status of this ungodly culture thrives on it too much. I could go on and on about how we don’t really need it, how it wasn’t but six, seven years ago that the Smartphone was created and only a short period of time preceding that when kids (those of my own generation to be in fact) began to carry them around before their own possessions of wallets, watches, car keys and the many other stabilities mankind has created over the course of the millenniums to better and to advance civilization. But I want to state, on the record, that it is all bullshit.

Bullshit and nothing but. Good? Yes. Useful? Yes. Important? No. Harmful? Yes. An equivalent to the atom bomb and nuclear warfare? I believe so. It’s the annihilation of a generation at the very hands of good meaning people. We stop the wars of inconvenience with the same hands of capitalism, freedom, and the constitution. The arms of genius wasted. The feet of a wisdom without thought. The heart of goodwill without the cosmic inspiration of love.

Love is no longer enough for people. You don’t make money off of love because love is the absence of pretense and requirements and self. You cannot be a part of love. You are not a required component of love. Love is the only thing we cannot control, the only thing we seek more than anything and sadly because we look for it within ourselves. People take these tests, and self identity quizzes, and profile exams online constantly, I myself do occasionally, seeking who we are and what we’re capable of and where we should be. The only place we will find love is in the heart of another human being. It’s that simple.

Drop the distractions. Drop the importance you place on your jobs and your status and your selfies and your cries for acceptance. Be honest and be truthful with yourself and who you are and you will find love. I promise.

KJ out.