"You made 'em laugh - you made 'em cry
You made us feel like we could fly."
~ Queen, "Radio"
Thirty minutes ago I learned of
the death of Robin Williams. Twelve hours ago I was quoting a line of Williams’
from the movie of “Dead Poets Society” which is as following, “I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we
must constantly look at things in a different way.”
I was 17 when my English teacher
called me out in the middle of class and told me that I reminded her of Robin
Williams. I was 20 when my depression started. I was twenty one when I watched “Good
Will Hunting” and for the first time felt the passion it takes to grab a man by
the throat and tell him that he doesn't know what the fuck he’s talking about.
I am sad. I am confused. I am
caught unaware at his passing, an apparent suicide. I've followed Williams’ own
struggle with depression and substance abuse and have listened to the man talk gracefully
and humanly about it. He had given me hope. He was an inspiration. The only
comedian to make me cry, I am profoundly sad.
It’s real. Those things we feel
in the darkness of our minds are real. The terror, the lament, the torture, they
come at the hands of our own self-defeat. It is real and I am sad.
Yet I’m feeling hopeful despite
whatever sorrow is overcoming me. Heart is faint but spirit strong. That
despite whatever outcome the battle is with people like me, the people who
struggle and fail, consistently, again and again, without end are not the means
of their end but the sum of what they left behind. Robin has certainly left me
with inspiration to move toward kindliness and gentleness and joy and spontaneity
and gracefulness. I hope it remains.
Robin, you will be missed. Enjoy
the other side. Thank you for the laughter. Thank you for the tears.
KJ out.
